I dont understand what i really feel.

You wonder why im insecure?
Because there are girls out there who look gorgeous without even trying. When they wake up they look like angels. When i wake up, i look like i just got out of a war. Those photogenic girls who look good in every photo. When someone takes a photo of me, my face looks half retarded.  They dont even need to dress nicely and they’ll still look good. How they can capture your attention just by walking past. I want to be able to do that.

My body isn’t perfect.
I dont walk with confidence.
I get into quarrels with my parents and friends.
Some nights id rather be by myself than out partying.
I cry over th smallest things sometimes.
There are days that i get through with forced smiles and fake laughs.
Sometimes i try to convince myself that things are okay when they’re not.
I dont look as good in real life as i do in pictures.
There are some nights that i cry myself to sleep.
I constantly think im not good enough.

I constantly wonder how my life looks like in other people’s eyes. Do they think i have it easy? Do they think i have nothing going on for myself? Or are they fascinated with who i am? Th thing is that no one will ever know my whole story. No one will ever know th things ive had to overcome. Th thing is that people are so quick to judge now a days. You only see a person from what they want and allow you to see. Th truth is that no one really knows me. No one will ever know me, and sometimes that scares me, because no one will ever know why i am th way i am.

I hate that feeling. Th feeling whn youre sad but you have no idea why. You just are. And in your mind, youre thinking of all th bad things in your life and apply it to your emotions, making you even more sad. Thn people ask you whats wrong and you have nothing to say. You end up sitting there, quiet, while it seems as if everyone, but you, is happy.

Im sick of listening to promises i know youre not going to keep, im sick of all th apologies you make when i know you dont mean them. Im just sick of all th bullshit, complete and utter bullshit you say to me. Please, just stop.

PS: Its all frm tumblr. (;


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