FRIGGIN SAD D: (Its kind of long, but DEFINITELY worth reading)

My dear laopo,

I really don’t understand what I have done wrong to deserve all these from you. Why are you ignoring me completely? I really hope that it is not a misconception that I sent to you that I am rich that you married me. Do you know how sad I was when I heard “I sompa Charlotte said she thought you were rich when she married you” I refused to believe it because I always believe we are the envy of all; we are like the love symbol among our peers! Furthermore, I am not rich at all! But the actions you are taking now make me less confident of my belief already! =(

Yes I know the importance of financial stability, I am poor now but we can work together; I will never want a poor lifestyle myself. Trust in me, I have potential and I will make it Big in future and we will enjoy our fruits of labour together!

Remember back in 2010 March? Mama suspected that you are pregnant and I went to buy the test kit. It was positive. I was so happy! Although we are not prepared, but we have thought about getting married already! To me, this is a good reason for us to settle down. When my friends ask me whether this is a rash decision, I told them it’s not. Since I have already found the right one, I want to settle this big part of my life so that I can focus on building my career.

We were both shocked when we reached hospital and the doctor said you are already 22 weeks pregnant. Although your parents were very mad at me and insisted on abortion, I assured them that we are genuinely in love for 5 years and I told them we will have a plan in place. It was also dangerous for you to abort as you are almost 6 months pregnant. Finally we have the blessings of both sides of our family and I was elated.

Laopo, though I am poor, I managed to get you a decent proposal ring and engagement ring! I proposed to you outside your school with fat penguin and a big board “will you marry me?” because you told me you wanted a proposal. You were very happy! Remember? Those were the happy times! But you really made me sad when I bought diamond rings and you only thought that the diamonds were small and of a bigger carat when I gave them to you. I promised you that once I make it and can afford, I will buy them for you!

Laopo, I did my best and had our ROM at the place we met. Ngee Ann Poly, and it was a nice location! With the marina-bay-alike infinity pool, I had my friends roped in to help with the preparations. However, why must you keep comparing me with Sherry’s 5 star hotel and Europe honeymoons! You know I can’t afford yet! But I promised you our wedding dinner and honeymoon will be a fantastic one!

Our Plan: I had just finished my National Service and I still have 4 years of local University to go to. Hence we discussed, remember? We decided that I should not give up my place in NTU, I should continue studying and I have also promised you that I will do part-time insurance to sustain our family.

However to ensure stability, we have also decided that since you did not get a place in local U, you will start working and provide a fixed income for these 4 years, studying part-time in SIM like our friend Lingfeng if you would love to. We also saw that your cousin Bruce was doing quite well in Property and we were very lucky that he is more than willing to have you under his close guidance. However as that industry now require examinations we decided to stick back to the original plan of getting a stable job first and as to attend property trainings, we can do it in the evenings. I was so happy that you agreed and I went around telling I have married a very understanding wife!

I also applied for our 4-room HDB flat in Seng Kang and we even went around Singapore to look for our furnitures and interior designs! Remember all of these happy moments? We found blink blink sofas, blink blink bed and tables and carpet! I told you that we will move in the moment we get but due to budget constraint, we will first rent out 2 rooms so that we can use the rental to pay for the mortgage. However, I promised that we will fully furnished our master bedroom till nice nice! I told you that I have savings and I will take care of that! This 22nd March we are supposed to go and choose our unit! But I haven’t heard from you for so long!

When my parents sold the Bishan house due to financial difficulties, (you know: 2 maids to no maid, 2 maid agencies to 1, 6 massage outlets to none) we initially agreed to move over to my Granny house together, since she is old and staying alone. However, you preferred to stay with your parents so I moved into your house with you. I gave up my hostel in NTU, and moved over to your house all because I want to see you and Larissa every day. (Do you know I faced a lot of sarcasm and critics from my friends, relatives and family? They said my parents marry out their son.) I felt terrible, but I managed to convince my parents to give in.

With slight modifications, we continued with our plan. As you were worried about maids, we agreed to get a nanny to take care of Larissa. We were very lucky because your best friend Yiwee’s mum is willing to help. She is very experienced and we had our mind at ease. I told you that I will pay for the nanny first while you actively get a job so that you can take over and pay for the nanny. We agreed again that since we decided to settle down, we will be independent and depend less on our parents.

I had so much hope and aspirations in this marriage still. However, months after months, since baby first month on 2010 August, then 3 mths, then say 4 mths, then say 2011, then say after I start school on 24 Jan, then after Chinese New Year.. You have never showed the initiative to start work. I trusted you but trust is earned, not deserved! My trust is times and again proven to be unworthy! Nanny understand me and told me that if you do not find a job she will not take care of Larissa, she told me as a mother you should be able to take care of her yourself if you are not working. I told your parents that I cannot afford too to pay for Nanny $500 a month if you do not work, but Mummy and you actually told me to collaborate and bluff Nanny that you have found a job so that she will take care for us. But you don’t understand, that defeats the purpose! We have financial difficulties!

You always tell me to get $ from my parents, but I have told you I do not want to depend too much on them already. Why can’t you understand your husband? When I was at roadshows doing canvassing, doing cold calling my entire school holidays, you were busy shopping with Gradys. And Larissa? You left it at Nanny’s house. Have you thought how I felt? I told you we should leave Larissa there as little as possible so that we don’t have to pay so much at the end of the month, leave her there only when you got job interviews, but that was not the case. I understand that we are both young and Nanny could take care of her better than us, but we really need to work together to bring in the income and not always depend on our parents.

I felt terrible when I handled so many objections during roadshow the whole day (You did nothing) and when I reached home, you never even showed concern.What you and your parents did was “Did any sales today? Aiya told you cannot do already.” You kept emphasizing that your ex-admirer is earning $20k in prudential part-time and he’s also a student in NTU. But do you know all these are not helping me, but making me feel worse?

Do you honestly feel I Forced you to work? If you didn’t feel like working let me know, I feel so hurt when you told others I forced you to work when you are having poor health. That was our plan together! I went around desperately asking my friends for help to give you the job of your choice. You said no shift work, no computer, no calling, and no need do approaches. Miraculously, God helped us and gave you these jobs interviews. One was $1,800 per month 5 day work week which you only have to sit at the reception counter and do nothing. (Basically a pretty flower vase remember?) The other was $2,000 basic pay bank officer with also easy job scope.

That night on 14th February when I was so excited for your interview tomorrow, I rushed home so that we can go on our valentine’s date. you suddenly felt all unwell again. Said your entire bodyache and you are running high fever, I touched your forehead and realised it was not hot at all. Though with a tinge of disappointment, I told you that since it is a good job offer, you should at least let the person know that you are unwell and fix another interview appointment. By skipping the interview without notice shows unprofessionalism and people won’t hire you. However, you choose not to.

Then Daddy came over and lectured me “you are selfish!” He kept pointing at my face within centimetre when he talked the whole time. He said I am selfish, I want to study but force you to work, you know how sad I felt? I told him it was our plan, but instead of siding me, you sided him and said you want to rest! I could no longer withstand his pointing and I grabbed his pointing hand to stop him from pointing at my face. However he started struggling with me! I swear I did not hit him at all!

He scolded me for making you pregnant, scolded me for being selfish and being financially unstable. I told him that a woman working nowadays is common! I will want a dual-income family in future to have a better life! He retaliated with “rubbish” and that his friend could sustain the family with $2k/mth income. I really didn’t know your parents don’t want you to work at all!

Later, you all called Papa and chased me out of the house at midnight accusing I beat up Daddy. I packed up all my necessary stuffs but you never even help to plead with Daddy and Mummy. When I finished packing and walked into the room, “Laopo, I really want to live with you and Larissa that’s why I gave up hostel and also moved in, but now I am chased out already, are you coming with me? ” You said “No, unless you get our own house and your parents cannot move in with us.” Do you know how much you had hurt me when you said those words?When we wanted to pay for the downpayment, you said Daddy couldn’t lend us, so my parents; Papa Mama agreed to help me pay everything first. How could I possibly stop my parents from moving in? Can you please try and understand me, laopo? Do you know how much I was ridiculed? I moved into in-laws but was chased out in the middle of the night and my wife didn’t move an inch! I was really sad when I posted “My Best Valentine ever” in facebook. Imagine being chased out of the house, and your wife didn’t even bother!

On 21 Feb, I drove to your house downstairs, bought your favourite Me-To-You bear. I bought it once I saw there is a new version, straight fur one, not the kiukiu type which i find very dirty-looking and ugly. I gave it to you, we kissed and I was honestly really happy because you still love me.

On 27th Feb, My dad accompanied me up your house, we stayed on although Mummy kept driving us out of the house. Daddy was nicer this time as he allowed time to talk. He said he prefers you to stay with them but will allow you to come find me on weekends. I walked into your room, told you that we are young and we may be facing a lot of problems right now, but we must be strong and stay together. I told you yes your parents may not like me very much, but my parents do not like you as well! What is most important is that we are in love and not them, we should make our own decisions. I told you I wanted to hug you, you stood up and we hugged, I was very happy. Then Mummy called you from her master bed room and you went into her room; doors locked and never came out.

Since that day, I haven’t heard from you or seen your pretty face and Larissa’s till on 4th March, I called and finally got you on the phone, I know if this call ended it will be very hard for me to get you on the phone with me again. I told you that since today is Friday, I will fetch you and Larissa to my Granny house later.

“I am busy!”

“I want to talk to you”

“Larissa got jab later at 12pm”

“but now is only 1049am”

“So I don’t need to prepare?! I fly there?!”

“Er.. but it should be ok if we talk a while, since late a little never mind?”

“appointment at 12 means 12 if not what is an appointment for?!”

The call ended. And like I guess, I can’t hear your voice as from then.

I smsed you “There r now only 2 solutions. First is we both try our best to be together and start afresh. I found a Free-of-charge marriage counsellor. Seems helpful. Second is to just end everything and take them as memories. To me, it seems u r taking the second option….”

YOU DIDN’T REPLY

I sent again “If we wanna continue, we must have some alone time. No use gathering a whole lot of people. Won’t solve anything one. Tonight, both oF us meet and go somewhere nice. We can go back to the places we dated. Ngee Ann Polytechnic Swimming pool canteen, esplanade and leave larissa at home.”

YOU DIDN’T REPLY

I sent “What we are now is totally different from who we truly are. These days have been hard to pass by. We may be suffering from depression. We really need to make up. That day’s baobao made me feel better but Laopo has a sudden change! There’s a lot of distrust and doubts between us now because we seldom see each other and we don’t know what’s on each other’s mind. I am tired of quarrelling and fighting already hence I want a solution. We r legally husband and wife, we are supposed to be the most united! Call me once jab is done.”

YOU DIDN’T REPLY

After school, since I am going over to find you, I called Gradys the whole afternoon, wanted to send her back together but I guessed, you have told her not to pick up my calls as well. I borrowed phone in school from friends but you still refuse to pick up as you are smart to know it’s from me. I kept calling while I drove to your place.

I sms “I driving. Pick up la!”

Then kept calling then..

“Pick up or regret.”

The saddest thing is I sent you so many smses asking for reconciliation yet you care no hoot but you told the whole world I threatened you with “pick up or regret.” Do you know how disappointed I was again? You told papa, mama, my sis, all my friends, Nanny even my manager in insurance! How could you? You are trying ways and means to spoil my image when I am trying hard to reach you, laopo!

I reached outside your door. I knocked, called and smsed but you don’t reply. The worst thing is you told again to people that I was knocking like mad outside and you are scared that I will come in and harm you!

I called Daddy and he told me that he will open the door to me when he comes back from work. You know how sad I was? I wanted to have alone time with you and Larissa, but all you want is Daddy and Mummy to come back before you allow me in.

You know that the result is that Mummy will chase me away! (Btw, in the phone I clarified with daddy that I did not hit him and he admitted. He said he thought I wanted to attack him when I stopped his pointing hand that’s why he struggled, it’s a misunderstanding!)

I smsed you

“I am really disappointed. I cannot believe you don’t open the door and I have to wait for daddy to open?You open and we’ll talk.”

YOU DIDN’T REPLY

I continued knocking then smsed.

“I can’t even have alone time with u n Larissa? These 5 years we been together for nothing?”

YOU DIDN’T REPLY

Instead of allowing a chance to talk, you called up at home to Daddy, Mummy, Nanny and Papa to complain that I was knocking madly outside. Papa told me to go back Granny house immediately.

I haven’t heard from you since again.

[14th March] “Laopo… looking at the disaster in Japan, saw how the tsunami separated loved ones forcefully. I can’t help but felt we are so fortunate. My first thought is you… I don’t wanna be separated from you anymore. I want us to be together. They predicted that May 21 is the end of the world. I wanna cherish every second of my life with u. U r my wifey, my penguin, my loved one. =)”

YOU DIDN’T REPLY

[16March] “Humph. Swiss roll don’t want Hash brown le…!”

NO REPLY

[17 March] “I miss your penguin face. I’m sure u miss my potato face too! Stop deceiving yourself, none of us will feel good this way. =)”

NO REPLY

[18 March] “Even though we have been together for more than half a decade, with your kind of avoiding attitude, if we are now only in a BGR, I think we won’t pass the test. It really shows how much you even care. Now that we are already married with Larissa, though I am equally disappointed with you, the least we should do is to see whether we can work things out. If you r not interested, or you have a new guy again, just let me know. I wish you all the best. I have done my best. Have you done your part? Look at Larissa again, you got rid of her dad. She will blame you forever. This small mistake of us will haunt you for your entire life. I am still giving you time to mature and wake up, no guy will want a buy 1 free 1 girl!. Seriously, no guy will love you like I do! 23 already, time to wake up. Now I call you, you ignore, when I give up, you will be the sorry one.”

YOU DIDN’T REPLY

Laopo, I am not asking much from you now. I just request that we can come together as a family; me you and Larissa, and see what else we can do to reconcile. We have no real problems! Money issues can be solved if we are willing to work together. I believe you will not want Larissa to be fatherless! Yes I know you always have very “good friends” that tell you you can find a better man. But a stepfather will not dote on her as much as I do. Please give me, you, and Larissa a chance to be happy. =)

And if you have really decided to heed your mummy’s advice and divorce me, let me know. =(

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